Really bad holiday songs!

Here's my nomination: Honky the Christmas Goose*.
I wouldn't have listened through, except that I was pretty sure it wasn't going to end well! (And then it would have been truly awful, not just bad!)

Are there other really bad holiday songs out there?

* http://honkythechristmasgoose.ytmnd.com/

I nominate Grandma Got Run-over By a Reindeer. I have always hated that song.

I'm quite averse to "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth". I think it's the whistling that does it for me.

Anything performed by Mannheim Steamroller.

Crabs for Christmas. Yes, it is an actual song. But I kinda like it..I'm from Maryland ya know and Maryland is for crabs..:)

I don't think the Pogues - Fairytale of NewYork is a bad song, though it's not really christmassy apart from being set then. But the BBC think it's so bad they need to censor it, which is just daft, IMHO.

I simply loathe that Paul McCartney atrocity "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time." I am somewhat grateful, however, to have learned that it came out in 1979 — because although I have hated it ever since it penetrated my consciousness, that was only a couple of years ago and so I was surprised to learn last week that it's 28 years old. Which means it might have been ruining my Christmasses for an extra 25 years but for the massive, uncharacteristic stroke of luck that kept it away from me.

I'm also currently hating on Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You," of which I actually have been aware since it came out but had never really attended to until last week when a coworker told me how much she hates it, since when, every time I hear it, it stays with me for hours and hours and hours. Plus, it's, you know, by Mariah Carey.

(I have always loved "Grandma Got Run Over...".)

I may get slammed for this, but I've never liked "Feliz Navidad". The same four phrases over and over and over and over . . . And that tune can get stuck in your head for DAYS!

I heard one last night, it might be called "Christmas Shoes." It's a country-ish song about a man who watches a kid buy shoes for his dying mother. It was the most manipulative song I've ever heard and it disgusted me.

Probably not worksafe the 12 STIs of christmas

A timely reminder not to play the sex lottery.

I agree with you, Morphy. "Christmas Shoes" is smarmy.

And dulcibelle: There's another danger with "Feliz Navidad" besides the brain worm aspect. I keep mentally adding the Taco John taglines. ARGHH!

OTOH: I love Mannheim Steamroller - but ONLY at Christmas.

Thanks, #5, now that will be in my head all day:

"Ooooooooooooo, I want crabs for Christmas..."

#7 - You took the words right out of my mouth. There should be some sort of punishment for playing Paul McCartney's song. And I'm not fond of most of the talking smarmy Christmas songs.

I know they were probably a lovely person, but I can't help hoping that whoever wrote "This Christmas" has SUFFERED.

That song is hell. Seriously. There are about seventy-six million different versions of it, and not one of them is good. And it's on damned near every holiday compilation owned by a department store or shopping mall, so there's no getting away from it. It's even played on the radio. GAH!

#9 -- THE CHRISTMAS SHOES. I hate them. Seriously, the most miserable song out there. I always what to say to the kid, "Hey, look. Your Mom is dying -- why are you out shopping?!?!"

I hate Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer as well and the Mariah Carey version of All I Want for Christmas Is You is absolutely horrendous. All I Want for Christmas Is You is my favorite song and I freak everytime I hear her butchering it. Unfortunately, around here there is a station that plays non-stop Christmas music and they apparently think she is the only one who sings this song. Yucko!

Can't listen to The Christmas Shoes without crying - sobbing actually. My kids, too. Except for my one son, it is his favorite Christmas song - I always ask him if that means he is trying to get rid of me but he says no I just like that he wants to get his mom one more really special present. Yeah, ok. I still don't like it.

I can't stand all the danged christmas songs about winter that insist on getting miles of airplay in the middle of summer here, especially the ones that have nowt to do with christmas in the first place.
I'm talking Jingle Bells, I'm talking Frosty the Snowman, and I'm gonna start running now...
Seriously, it makes sense if it's winter when you're playing it, but when it's playing to you sweating every time you step out of doors, it makes no sense whatsoever.

Continued hatred for All I want for Christmas is you. Blecch. Tacky. And Last Christmas I Gave you my heart. I'm a bit of a romantic at times, but really, there's a limit. At least sing it in Spanish or French. You can get away with the tackiest stuff in another language.

Dominick the Donkey==hate it, hate it, hate it!!

#18 - Oh my, me too. What the heck is that song about anyway. It sounds like a group of guys got all drunk on eggnog and made it in their basement. Yuck!

WillSteed - You have to give the original version of All I Want for Christmas Is You a try - it sounds totally different and is more of a girl band sound.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland always kind of annoyed me, because it's just super chipper about being freezing cold. Seriously, 4 years in Germany cleared up any fascination I may have had with snow. But hearing it in Louisiana, where there is absolutely no chance of walking in a winter wonderland, really got under my skin! That goes double for Dreaming of a White Christmas! When I was in LA a few weeks ago I was dreaming of a Christmas with *fall* temperatures. Get with it radio DJs!

#7: Indeed. Anything by Mariah Carey is PAINFUL to hear x-(

#8: I feel your pain. I really HATE that song.

#17: You can get away with the tackiest stuff in another language.

Heh. My sentiments exactly. But in reverse, since my mother tongue is, indeed, Spanish. And I loathe Christmas carols in Spanish, specially the ones from Spain, which are awful, AWFUL!!! All chirpy and high-pitched. AGH! But some Latin American ones are terrible too. If I never again in my life get to listen to "Mi burrito sabanero", it will be too soon...

Then again, I do love some Christmas songs in English. Specially "White Christmas", when sung by Bing Crosby or Frank Sinatra or Tony Bennett... Ohhh or Louis Armstrong. Seriously. Their voices make those songs sound so sweet.

But my favorite one is Adeste Fideles. Hands down.

Hmmm... what's the difference between Christmas carols and just plain Christmas songs, anyway?

I love the McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime", too each his own. I second the bile heaped upon Dominic the Christmas Donkey, and also despise Adam Sandler's Channukah Song (and Sandler himself, too. No talent hack!)

22 - I speak and understand Spanish, but I can handle even the sickliest of romantic songs, as long as they're in Spanish. I've never heard most of the Latin American carols; for some reason they never came up when I had Christmas in Chile.

I'd say that the difference between a Xmas carol and a Xmas song is that the song is simply a bit of fluff and is marketed as popular music. A carol is a traditional song (which might be used as popular music) and is more likely to be spiritual in nature.

8>

Oh God the horror of Feliz Navidad! It was constantly played in Cyprus where I had Christmas one year on a round the world trip...

#12 Sorry..:)

#9 I agree. People want cheery feel good music at Christmas. That "Christmas Shoes" song is the worst idea for a song in history. I hate it. If I even hear a note of it I change the station.

>27 MDLady:

Not all 'true meaning of Christmas' songs are melodramatic tear-jerkers. One of my favorites is Jackson Browne's "The Rebel Jesus," from the Chieftains' album The Bells of Dublin. I wouldn't want to incite anyone to infringe on the pore widdle record companies' copyrights, so no linky to the tune (it's catchy and fairly upbeat, though); but here are the lyrics (not one of those malware-icious lyrics sites).

Spinal Tap's "Christmas with the Devil" is an old metal favorite Christmas tune. Check it out!

I know this thread is about holiday songs we loathe, but I actually find Randy Bachman's "Taking Care of Christmas" amusing - possibly because I haven't heard it too often.

It's a novelty song, but a relatively tolerable one :-)

I too have a confession to make. I harbor a fondness for "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas."

...And hippopotamuses like me, too.

Here's a whole web page of Christmas Shoes happy goodness. Right here. But good gosh, certainly not here! Don't go to that other place!

#9 Morphy, how can you say a song is manipulative when it ends with I want her to look beautiful, if Mama meets Jesus tonight. ;)

In the spirit of this thread, here is my xmas gift to you all, go get it and listen:

http://download.yousendit.com/1888BD0420E05726

PLEASE READ:
-this is not me, I've had it for a few years, a friend sent it to me,
no one knows who this is.
-LISTEN TO THE END. REALLY.

Happy Holidays to all of you!

>32 JPB: *makes gagging noises*

>33 Atomicmutant:

Wow. Just...wow.

33> dogs and cats living singing together - mass hysteria

>33 Atomicmutant: Atomicmutant:

"Honky, the Christmas Goose" steps aside!

>33 Atomicmutant: That was excrutiatingly painful.

>33 Atomicmutant:. Oh. My. God. Breathe, Mary Lou.

*tee hee* Ain't it grand?

I really wish I knew where it came from, whether it's a sincere attempt,
or what.

But I simply must play it at holiday time. Preferably at a party, just snuck
into a regular Xmas mix. It's fun to look around the room and watch people's
faces transform, as though they'd just got some citric acid in their egg nog.

#33 - omigosh!! That is truly from the land of empty headed animal food trough wipers. Yeesh!

I hadn't heard that Christmas Shoe song. That's rank, and I don't have a problem with maudlin songs. That one is OTT. :-(

#33 gets funnier with each subsequent listen.

#42, the reason I said to listen to the VERY end, is, one of my favorite moments is the singer
taking a breath right in the middle of the last held note. For some reason, that just cracks me up,
every time.

The other thing, is the crushing sense of inevitability. We've all heard the song so many times, that
as you get about halfway into it, you realize "oh, no. How is he gonna get through that part?
The huge crescendo. Then he nails it. Literally. Through the hands and feet, lol.

33 - Ouch. Jush ouch. That made me cry.

#33 OH. DEAR. LORD.

#33 - I still have that in my iTunes from last year! Or was that the year before? Anyway, thanks for ripping open the scars!

holy crap!

#47, actually, it's holy night , but I understand.

If you believe in South Park's Mr. Hanky, it could be both.

Tee hee...
I have heard that before, but it still makes me cry...

#33 - Wow. That was almost like listening to William Shatner doing Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds...

Also there is no no no way that was a 'serious' attempt, Atomic.

And I'm emailing it to all my siblings, as a little gift.

That was WORSE than William Shatner's version of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds". The Shat can sing better than that shite!

OK, just had to post a few Shatner tunes...

Here's Shatner singing to George Lucas...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p55YD8QhQ3o

And the ever popular Lucy...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-yy2URAYqU&feature=related

Off topic, I suppose, but I couldn't resist.

Oh good lord, my ears are bleeding...

#55 hahaha took the words right out of my... fingers.

OUCH!!!

hahaha yes, the guy taking a breath at the end was super funny :P

#53 - That was WORSE than William Shatner's version of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds".

Unrelated, but listening to the Beatles today, my 5-year old niece suddenly came out with "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds!? That doesn't make any sense! Why are there diamonds in the sky, and how can Lucy be in the sky, anyway?"

A true spit-take inducing rant!

I explained about the alleged Julian Lennon drawing, but left out the whole "initials" thing, heee heeee!

What initials thing?

*ponders, finally gets it*

I wish people would explain these things to me.

*mutters*

My innocence is ruined! I loved that song as a kid!

59> I had a similar experience when I recently re-listened to my childhood favourite songs, only to find out they were all about masturbation. What the hell.

John Lennon maintained until the end of his days that his son Julian came up with the name of the song, and that John himself didn't realize what the initials spelled until after the song was released and other people pointed out the coincidence.

Since he was saying this even well after the Beatles broke up, I'm inclined to think he was being honest.

See the Urban Legends Reference Page on Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds for more info.

There, your childhood innocence is restored... :-)

John seemed to be pretty honest. I believe him, but it was a pretty strange co-incidence given what the boys were obviously getting up to in those days.

Isn't it ironic how parents get so up in arms about content of songs, when usually stuff goes way over the kids' heads anyway. If the parents just shut up the kids would not know there was anything suggestive to "get" in most songs.

Just don't let tykes listen to Stairway to Heaven backwards...

"We wish you a merry Christmas" (goat edition)

in Swedish album of Christmas songs--for charity. No accents! :-)
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/christmas-album-goats_566a8a91e4b009377b2492...

Can't stand "Grandma," "Twelve Days of Christmas," and "Christmas Shoes."
But the worst by far is "The Cat Carol." Spoiler alert: the cat freezes to death on Christmas Eve. Isn't that festive and joyful!

When Christmas music gets too much for me (and I have very low tolerance), I fire up the HPLHS Solstice compilations on the iPod. 'Doomed! Doomed! Definitely Doomed!' is a welcome antidote to the musical abominations inflicted on my auditory apparatus at this time of the year.

I hate all of them. Bah humbug!

I don't hate Christmas music in and of itself. What I hate is that even with all the different songs/versions there are out there, and even after the music at work goes to all Christmas music from a mix, we'll hear the same songs/versions over and over and over.

>68 rastaphrog: Yes, that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQciZQIVk9k

Put on Another Christmas Song (3:45)
Written and performed by Brittlestar ft Emma Rudy, 2022
https://twitter.com/brittlestar/status/1593469296943964160

Refers to
'All I Want For Christmas Is You' by Mariah Carey (1994)?

>2 clamairy: >16 bookaholicgirl: Me too, I really can't stand that one! Yes, I know that's a 15 year old reference, still can't stand it! :)

Things that truly stand the test of time. Sucked in 2007, still sucking 15 years later.

A true classic never gets old. Or never stops staying old. One of those two.

I don’t have any Christmas songs I really hate myself, but my mom despises “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”.

Of course, that meant we just *had* to get her a plush hippopotamus for Christmas!

This is a totally different All I Want For Christmas Is You and I've always liked it a lot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbKMfpVb0zo

Electronic Santa (2:22)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxSZpZjoUXQ

(Not even funny? smarmy? improbable?)